Connection

Connection is one of my key values in my family.

I became very isolated a few years ago and now I make it a focus to connect with others.

But.. here’s the key to my new found freedom...

I don’t connect in a way that others thinks acceptable, I connect on my terms.

I don’t like parties, I don’t like school events. I don’t like dinner parties with people I don’t know, or festivals with lots of cliquey gangs, I don’t like busy shops or sitting near big groups when I eat out. I don’t like the cinema as it makes me feel scared. I don’t like public toilets or soft play.

What I like is connecting with those who share my passions and my dreams.

I like the outdoors and 1:1 meals with my partner. I like going to discos with just him and dancing like no one else is there, knowing he is my support.

I like running, but alone, in places where I’m not isolated but also where I’m not with other people. The London Marathon and all the ‘watchers’ sent me into a massive spin.. (I managed it but only with the help of my shades).

I like being with old friends who I can let my hair down with, and then new friends in a way that feels safe for me, mostly in my house or in places I feel safe.

The interesting thing is, the more I do of what I love and feel safe doing, the more I feel able to occasionally do the things I find more challenging.

I see this in lots of children and young people who are autistic too. Often in the young people we enable, it feels as though the more they get in terms of activities that make them feel safe, the more strength they can find to go that little bit further out of their comfort zone.

They need to trust you, but often if you create space for the things they like to do -social media, gaming, being alone, staying indoors.. Then other activities can feel less demanding.

Have a think today about how you like to connect?

Do you know about how your kids like to connect?

Are you doing things that make you uncomfortable?

Are you setting up activities for your child which they find hard to manage?

Maybe get your kids to make a poster of the things they love to do and the things they feel less safe doing. Do one for you too.