Navigating Life

As a fully neurodivergent family, its taken some time, years, to get us to the stage where all our needs are met as much as possible.

Things really started to improve when I realised I was autistic, and I started to understand the way I reacted to things and managed situations. I started to adapt the way I navigated our lives.

I posted on my personal blog, shared further down this page, a few days ago about the Summer Holidays, about how keeping things low key and doing very little was the key to calm, and regulation for us all. And ignoring the drive to "make memories", as that just didn't work for us as a family. I also talked about how, we had managed a nice day out when it was clear that the children really would like to do something for a change.

And so it has been, the Summer Holidays for us were a beacon of calm and quiet, of regulation, of meeting individual needs. I was feeling pretty smug about it if I'm honest. It may have taken 14 years but hey, we've got things just right now, for all of us.

But It doesn't pay to rest on your laurels because yesterday the wheels fell off spectacularly.

I couldn't work, one child was not coping, and I was seriously lacking in sleep...some needs had slipped through the net.

The day felt like a disaster, everything was going wrong, I couldn't focus, I had too much to do, I felt overwhelmed... you get the picture...it was a lot. And as all those things started to build up, all my sensory differences started to escalate. My hair was annoying me, I could feel hair on my face. My flip flops that I live in felt uncomfortable. I could feel a single flake of dry skin snagging on the inside of my leggings...

I made a list of what needed doing to make us feel better. I did those things. And once I knew we weren't leaving the house again I scraped my hair up off my face and put my pyjamas on.

And slowly things settled down. This morning things feel better again.

Navigating life as a family with differing needs isn't always plain sailing. All we can ever do is our best. I'm taking steps to acknowledge that I don't always get things right and that's okay and some days won't go to plan and that's okay too. What I'm trying to say in my roundabout way is that its really important that you take care of your own needs as much as possible. I won't use the term self care because I don't like it, but I'm talking about the little things. I know that as parent carers, nights out without the kids, respite, long soaks in bubble baths...are but distant memories, I'm talking about little things like tying your hair up when its annoying you, putting on comfortable clothes if you feel restricted, taking just a quiet moment longer when you're in the loo to regulate your breathing, grab a bag of crisps if you're hungry,. It's the small things that accumulate over the day that build up and your ability to cope deteriorates. Try to listen out for the little things and deal with them as they arise, for both you and your children. It won't always work, sometimes the wheels will still fall off, but that's okay. We're all just doing our best.