We are doing All we Can.

These boys are 7 today. 7yrs ago I birthed two humans. It was an experience.

From day dot these boys taught me that you are who you are.

I’ve nurtured them both in the same way.. but nature has led them in complete different directions. Like chalk and cheese. They could not be more opposite.

These boys have had identical life experiences.

In fact up till about 1yr ago they spent no time apart. Literally none…

The nature/nurture debate, often used to gaslight parents all goes out the window once you become a twin mum.

I'm writing this here, as I know, as parents of children who have special educational needs and disability, we often spend a life time having to prove it’s not our fault.. we are not crap parents, we are doing all we can.

But.. here is the trump card. Along comes a mum with twins to put those parent course pushers straight….

Here is an example;

So, I am lucky, both my sons brush their teeth, every day, twice a day. Both eat identical food. They have no sensory needs in this area.

But, about 3yrs ago I noticed one of my sons teeth were decaying at a rapid rate. It turned out he had to undergo 2 surgeries and have all bar 4 teeth removed.

The Dentists initially made me feel terrible. They asked me if I had fed him sugary squash as a baby in a bottle, or did I give him sweets all the time??

I had to have a course on food and brushing teeth. I cried numerous times. I had to take my dad with me and tell them I was a DV survivor to get them to back off… upsetting me every time I needed to visit could not go on…

but I also felt lucky, as I had a secret weapon to stop the gaslighting see. I had my other twin, with a shiny set of pearly whites that any child would adore.

I remember thinking.. if this dentist thinks I have actually let this happen to just one twin.. they need to be extremely concerned about me and contact someone. One twin with perfect teeth, one with basically none. Of course this often does happen to parents who face judgement and blame and false accusations..

So, because of my “physical evidence” (twin A) that I looked after teeth, they looked deeper and found the cause for twin B and gave the right support to my enamelly challenged son.

So when anyone tries to gaslight you into thinking it’s you. Just find yourself a twin mum and they will have your back, because we know these bubba’s are strong and true and have unique mind, bodies and souls from the moment they pop out of our tummy’s or … and there’s not too much you can do about it, but love and care and fight for understanding.

Know you truth and sing it loud and clear.